…Fox News has suddenly discovered an existential crisis of corporate responsibility. Before you run around your house in circles, screaming randomly and tearing your hair out at the singular improbability of this development, fear not: the “victim,” in this case, is a military veteran.

There, there, it all makes sense now. After not-so-subtly taking the soldier’s side — this alone is newsworthy; I’d always thought Fox

News was “fair and balanced,” after all — the vaunted news network waits until the sixth paragraph to note:

Spirit has a hard-and-fast “no refund” rule for customers who don’t pay extra for insurance, and while company officials expressed sympathy for Meekins, they refuse to make an exception in his case.

While I can sympathize with a dying veteran’s last request (and that is the only non-tongue-in-cheek portion of this post), it is important to remember that the new conservative orthodoxy clearly states that “corporations are people, my friends.” Which necessarily implies that this soldier is just a deadbeat asking for handouts from hard-working Americans.

Of course, Peter Forbes, president of the Veterans of the Vietnam War and the Veterans Coalition, disagrees with my assessment. In fact, he stated:

“What would have happened if this patriotic American said “no” when called to serve his country? Life at Spirit Airlines might never happened,” the letter obtained by FoxNews.com reads.

Not to nitpick, but given the war in which he fought, I think it’s safe to say we’d all be OK. Not that this was his fault, but if we’re going to be hyperbolic about things, at least pick a good cause, please. I mean, this did make the front page of FoxNews.com. As we all know, this is an impossibly high bar to clear. There must have been at least four separate articles in the queue alternately comparing Obama to Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, and even Quagmire from Family Guy — and yet this thrilling narrative of an airline ticket snafu leapfrogged over all of them. But for the love of God, stop picking on my good friend Spirit Airlines. He’s a good people…my friend.

Related articles

• Shame on Spirit Airlines (twitchy.com)
• Spirit Airlines Won’t Refund Dying Veteran’s Ticket (thinkprogress.org)
• Spirit Airlines’ final answer to dying Vietnam vet seeking ticket refund: No! (foxnews.com)