Category Archives: Humor

The deadball era, the steroids era, and the Benedict XVI era

Pope Benedictus XVI
Pope Benedictus XVI. (Courtesy of Wikipedia.)

Dan Connolly at The Baltimore Sun posted a list of home run kings during each period of papal reign:

Baseball historian/statistician Bill Arnold passed this tidbit my way. And I had to share it with you. It combines Catholicism and baseball. And includes Baltimore’s greatest son.

In honor of the Roman Catholic Church naming Francis I its new pope Wednesday, Arnold put together a list of all-time, home-run leaders under each of the 11 popes since Major League Baseball was officially formed.

I’m not kidding.

Baltimore-born Babe Ruth is the only player to have sole possession of homer crowns under two popes (Hank Aaron had to share one). And, appropriately, the last player to win the “Pope Homer Crown” was a Cardinal and then an Angel: Albert Pujols (during Benedict XVI’s reign.)

By the way, Arnold points out that, numbers-wise, it’s easier to be selected to be pope (66 percent of the electorate) than a baseball Hall of Famer (75 percent).

(Follow the link above to see the full list.)

Here’s to the Pope Francis era being a less scandalous one for both Major League Baseball and the Catholic Church.

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Not enough French in Quebec?

L’Office québécois de la langue française is not happy:

It began, as do many things these days, with a tweet. On February 19th, Massimo Lecas, co-owner of an Italian restaurant, Buonanotte, in Montreal, wrote that he had received a letter from the office warning him that there were too many Italian words (such as “pasta”) on his menu. This was a violation of Quebec’s language charter, he was told, and if they were not changed to the French equivalents (pâtes in the case of pasta) he would face a fine.

Journalists with a sense of the ridiculous quickly piled on. An analysis of international media coverage of Quebec showed the story, quickly dubbed #pastagate on twitter, received 60 times the coverage of a trip by Pauline Marois, the premier, that had been meant to drum up investor interest in the province. Other restaurant owners who had received similar letters—a fish-and-chip-shop owner who was instructed to call his main offering poisson frits et frites, a brasserie owner who was asked to cover the “redial” button on his telephone and the “on/off” button on his microwave—came forward, an indication this was not an isolated incident.

The blowback ultimately proved too great for the office to sustain:

Diane de Courcy, the Quebec minister responsible for language, tried at first to shrug off the pasta stories, saying she was satisfied with the work of the inspectors. When the bad publicity persisted, she announced a review of that particular case. The PQ government is currently attempting to toughen language laws, and pastagate was becoming a distraction. But by March 8th it was clear something more was needed. Quebec was the butt of too many jokes. Ms de Courcy announced that Louise Marchand, president and director-general of the language police, was leaving her post effective immediately. Apparently the move was made at Ms Marchand’s request. It is generally the case with figures of authority that when the masses start laughing at you, you are through.

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Farewell, Fung Wah

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6_iKO65TXM]

The Boston Globe tells the story:

Travel between Boston and New York may have gotten a little more expensive (and safer) with the recent demise of Fung Wah bus lines, but that doesn’t mean there still doesn’t exist an overwhelming appreciation for the memories the company left behind.

The New Yorker channels these emotions in an ode to Fung Wah, inspired by Bob Dylan’s “Farewell Angelina.” We warn you, it may get misty wherever you may be.

On a more serious note, the shuttering of Fung Wah, whether permanent or otherwise, evokes mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, I’ve had my fair share of rides in which, for hours at a time, I was terrorized by the uncertainty over whether the driver was inebriated, tired, or just a terrible driver.

On the other hand, the 4-6 hour ride (sometimes even longer, especially on holidays) was often a refuge of sorts during various transitory periods of my life. During the summer of 2009, I took the bus from Boston to New York to visit my girlfriend almost every single Friday afternoon, returning on Sunday evening.

Then, once I moved to New York that fall, the process reversed itself: occasionally I’d take the bus back to Boston to visit my family for a weekend before heading back to a stressful job in New York. Throughout all of this, while Bolt Bus and Megabus and Greyhound and Peter Pan were missing scheduled departures, charging higher fares, and arriving late, Fung Wah was surprisingly reliable for me. Missing a weekend bus never mattered that much, because the next one was always just a few minutes behind.

Sooner or later, I’ll need to travel to Boston again, and I’m not sure yet how I’ll get there. Most likely I’ll choose another bus line, but that would feel almost sacrilegious somehow and — not unlike leaving one’s religion — an uncomfortable adjustment. Whatever its ills — and there were so, so many of them — the Fung Wah leaves a giant-sized hole in the New York-Boston corridor. Although probably not quite as big as the holes created by its buses as they plowed into various stationary objects over the years.

John Liam Policastro said it better than I can:

I am not ashamed to admit it (nor am I really bragging), but for the last six years I have taken the Fung Wah so frequently that I am sort of like the Wilt Chamberlain of I-95 (though I have never had sex with any other passengers). I have sometimes found myself on the bus twice a day, multiple times a week. I am not exaggerating when I say the times I have ridden the bus are easily in the high hundreds, and I have literally never even been on a single bus that broke down or has been in a mortally dangerous situation, save for the occasional bathroom breakdown…

Fung Wah’s closure will surely fuel debates about the oversight necessary in this now-crucial industry that has benefited scores of tourists, day trippers, workers, sweatpants-wearing scumbags, junkies, and crying babies. Others are wondering why regulators were asleep at the wheel for so long that a licensed company could have 21 of their 28 vehicles declared an “imminent hazard.” While still others, like myself, are asking perhaps the most important question of all: How the fuck am I going to get home?

Petition of the Day?

Screen Shot 2013-03-06 at 2.01.41 PM
By “your voice in our government,” I’m guessing the White House didn’t mean R. Kelly’s voice in our national anthem. But I could be wrong.

From the WhiteHouse.gov citizens’ petition page:

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:

change the national anthem to R. Kelly’s 2003 hit “Ignition (Remix).”

We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it’s the afterparty, and that after the party, it’s the hotel lobby, and–perhaps most importantly–that ’round about four, you’ve got to clear the lobby, at which point it’s strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.

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Old American dignitaries speaking French

The series continues tonight with shiny new Secretary of State — and longtime francophile — John Kerry in Paris:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVcI50YBnLg]

New York Magazine explains more:

In Paris today, Kerry chose to speak in French unprompted, but the press conference in which he refused a direct request to speak in French took place in Washington. Kerry was famously mocked for his Francophilia during the 2004 presidential race, and perhaps, in his mind, speaking French in the Treaty Room of the White House — the very seat of American power — would open him up to the same kind of right-wing derision more so than would speaking French in France, which is really just good manners. It’s a theory based on a small sample size, admittedly.

The other possibility is that Kerry, justifiably, just hates Canada.

And here is the video of Kerry refusing to speak French in Washington:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3AF_8w1VsQ]
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A New Yorker Valentine’s Day

The magazine took a meandering walk through its archives today:

My personal favorites are from the thirties and forties. In February of 1942, The New Yorker reported on “the saddest Valentine’s Day story” of the year:

[It’s] an enormously involved affair which starts with a young lady named Therese telephoning Western Union and asking that Valentine Greeting 242 be delivered to a certain young man. Valentine Greeting 242 might be criticized as kind of silly, but it’s definitely harmless; it reads, “Hens cackle, Roosters crow, You’re my Valentine, Don’t cha know.” Western Union, however, sent out Valentine Greeting 241, which reads, “Be my Valentine, Be my honey, We’ll live on Love and Daddy’s money.” Daddy got hold of it, inevitably, and while he is probably no more suspicious than other daddies, there was a lot of explaining to be done. Western Union, we’re glad to report, wrote a manly, straight-forward letter accepting all the blame, which was considerable.

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The meeting of two larger-than-life mayors

London mayor Boris Johnson describes meeting New York mayor Michael Bloomberg:

When the mayors met for the first time, Mr. Johnson recalled, Mr. Bloomberg kept talking about trans fats.

“I didn’t know what trans fats were,” Mr. Johnson said, a glint in his eye. “I thought it had something to do with transsexuals, obese transsexuals, or something. Anyway, he made a great deal about that.”